Andrew and Karla's Place

The Good Grandpa:

A woman is in a grocery store and happens upon a grandpa and his poorly
behaving 3 year-old grandson at every turn.  It’s obvious Gramps has his
hands full with the kid screaming for candy in the candy aisle, cookies in
the cookie aisle; same for fruit, cereal and soda. M eanwhile, Gramps is
working his way around, saying in a controlled voice, ‘Easy, Albert, we
won’t be long — easy, boy.’

Another outburst, and she hears Gramps calmly say, ‘It’s okay, Albert, just
a couple more minutes and we’ll be outta here — hang in there.’

At the checkout, the little terror is throwing items out of the cart, and
Gramps again in a controlled voice is saying, ‘Albert, Albert, relax buddy,
don’t get upset. We’ll be home in five minutes; stay cool, Albert.’

Very impressed, the woman goes outside where Gramps is loading his groceries
and the boy into the car.  ‘You know, sir, it’s none of my business, but you
were amazing in there.  I don’t know how you did it.  That whole time, you
kept your composure, and no matter how loud and disruptive he got, you just
calmly kept saying things would be okay.  Albert is very lucky to have you
for his grandpa.’

‘Thanks, lady,’ said Gramps, ‘But I’m Albert — the little bastard’s name is
Johnny.’

Things Got Ya Down? Well Then, Consider These . . .

In a hospital’s Intensive Care Unit, patients always died in the same bed,
on Sunday morning, at about 11:00 am, regardless of their medical condition.
This puzzled the doctors and some even thought it had something to do with
the super natural. No one could solve the mystery as to why the deaths
occurred around 11:00 AM Sunday, so a worldwide team of experts was
assembled to investigate the cause of the incidents. The next Sunday
morning, a few minutes before 11:00 AM all of the doctors and nurses
nervously waited outside the ward to see for themselves what the terrible
phenomenon was all about. Some were holding wooden crosses, prayer books,
and other holy objects to ward off the evil spirits. Just when the clock
struck 11:00, Pookie Johnson, the part-time Sunday sweeper, entered the ward
and unplugged the life support system so he could use the vacuum cleaner.

Still Having a Bad Day????

The average cost of rehabilitating a seal after the Exxon Valdez Oil spill
in Alaska was $80,000.00. At a special ceremony, two of the most expensively
saved animals were being released back into the wild amid cheers and
applause from onlookers. A minute later, in full view, a killer whale ate
them both.

Still think you are having a Bad Day????

A woman came home to find her husband in the kitchen shaking frantically,
almost in a dancing frenzy, with some kind of wire running from his waist
towards the electric kettle. Intending to jolt him away from the deadly
current, she whacked him with a handy plank of wood, breaking his arm in two
places. Up to that moment, he had been happily listening to his Walkman.

Are Ya OK Now? – No?

Two animal rights defenders were protesting the cruelty of sending pigs to a
slaughterhouse in Bonn , Germany . Suddenly, all two thousand pigs broke
loose and escaped through a broken fence, stampeding madly. The two helpless
protesters were trampled to death.

What?? STILL having a Bad Day????

Iraqi terrorist Khay Rahnajet didn’t pay enough postage on a letter bomb. It
came back with ‘Return to Sender’ stamped on it. Forgetting it was the bomb,
he opened it and was blown to bits. God is Good!

There now, Feeling Better?

Some funny pictures….

I'll have gravy with mine

Might just get this one. At least the tyres wont be worn out.

A Greek and an Scotsman were sitting in a Starbuck’s cafe one day discussing who had the superior culture. Over triple lattes the Greek guy says, ‘Well, we Greeks built the Parthenon,’ arching his eyebrows.

The Scotsman then replies, ‘Well… It was the Scots that discovered the Summer and Winter Solstices.’

The Greek retorts, ‘We Greeks gave birth to advanced mathematics.’ The Scotsman, nodding in agreement, says, ‘Scots were the ones who built the first timepieces and calendars.’

And so on until the Greek comes up with what he thinks will end the discussion. With a flourish of finality he says, ‘The Greeks were the ones who invented sex!’

The Scotsman replies, ‘Indeed, that is true, but it was we Scots who introduced it to women.’

REMEMBER THIS AT CHRISTMAS TIME:
According to the Alaska Department of Fish and Game, while both male and female reindeer grow antlers in the summer each year, male reindeer drop their antlers at the beginning of winter, usually late November to mid-December. Female reindeer retain their antlers till after they give birth in the spring.

Therefore, according to EVERY historical rendition depicting Santa’s reindeer, EVERY single one of them, from Rudolph to Blitzen, had to be a girl.
We should’ve known……

ONLY women would be able to drag a fat-ass man in a red velvet suit all around the world in one night and not get lost.

A MERRY CHRISTMAS TO YOU ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You can guess that this was sent to me by a woman.